Jonathan Humble, Features Writer

Doggerel For The Discerning: 'The Sad Tale Of The Reckless Rhubarb'

The Sad Tale of the Reckless Rhubarb

'Twas on a clear and moonlit night
in Castleford's green fields,
the stick of rhubarb's mind to thoughts
adventurous did yield.

And turning to his nearby love,
he made a solemn pledge
to sail away, like Hemingway,
and live life on the edge.

His love, a slender leek,
was anxious for his safe return,
but with a brave and loving smile
disguised her grave concern

and pinned a white rose on his chest,
so he might not forget
his roots lay in the rhubarb sheds
of Yorkshire, not Tibet.

The rhubarb journeyed far and wide
upon his reckless quest,
and seeking thrills where e’er he could
from Goole to Budapest,

he soon became quite famous
in the circles of those chaps
who dice with death and thrive
on courting danger and mishap.

But flirting with capricious lady luck,
he soon found out,
how fickle fortune’s finger of ill-fate
can turn about,

and duelling with a maharaja
in the mystic east,
our hero was chopped up
and served with crumble at a feast.

Quite unaware of how her love
had met a sticky end,
the faithful leek made wedding plans
whilst waiting for her friend …

But over years, in Castleford,
the leek was left unwed,
and sits in moonlight, quite alone,
outside the rhubarb shed.

'The Sad Tale of the Reckless Rhubarb' is taken from My Camel’s Name is Brian, which was first published by the Tripe Marketing Board.

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